Thanks, Dr. Seuss!

Lately we have been watching a lot of movies. Normally, I don't let Brice have a lot of "screen time" because he has such a wonderful imagination and I think he should use it! Anyway, he received a couple of new movies for Christmas and so we've been watching them. Also, we joined Netflix so that we're not spending a fortune at Blockbuster every week. He really enjoys getting movies in the mail and looks forward to seeing the mail truck when he knows one may be on the way. So, one of the movies we've watched at least 20 times since we brought Anna home from the hospital (the second time) is "Horton Hears a Who". This is a Dr. Seuss movie about an elephant, Horton, who is trying to get Who-ville to safety because Who-ville is the size of a spec. So, Horton comes to a bridge that he needs to cross and says, "Well, this is precarious.". I, of course, hear this but don't think anything of it.

So, since I think watching all these movies is rotting Brice's brain, I've decided that if it is not raining outside, then we are going out to play, no matter what the temperature. I mean, we have jackets for goodness sake. Yesterday was one of those days. Anna was sleeping and I asked Brice if he would like to go out and play. Yes, is always the answer. So, jackets on, and I put my gloves on, we head outside. Our backyard goes straight up. We have a couple of trees planted but they are staked in the ground. Brice decides he is going to climb up and hold on to the rope attached to one of the stakes. He is pretending to dig for gold with his golf club and is whacking the groud continously. I say to him, "Brice, why don't you take a break and come drink some water?".

"Okay, that's a great idea!", he says. As he is coming down the slippery pinestraw he looks at me and says, "WELL, THIS IS PRECARIOUS!". I couldn't believe it! My not even four year old just used an adult word in the right context!

Maybe watching all those movies isn't rotting his brain after all! So, thanks Dr. Seuss!

Time Will Heal

Tonight all I can think about is the night that Anna stopped breathing. I don't know why. Maybe it is because one month from the occurence is coming up. Justin is in Chicago and so I'm here alone with Brice and Anna. I just look at both of them and can't thank God enough for everything he has given me.

Especially little Anna.

Below is the story of what we went through December 29th. It is not a fun post, but one I said I would write about and needed to write down.

I just remember after giving her those breaths and rubbing her back as hard as I could without hurting her, pleading with God to let her live. Justin was on the phone with 911 and had to keep leaving the room because of the way I was screaming for her to be okay. I just kept thinking that it was her heart. As some of you know, Anna has a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect), a little hole between the ventricles of her heart. Right now, it is not affecting her and may never affect her. We are praying that it closes on it's own or that symptoms never arise and nothing ever needs to be done. Anyway, that night, I just keep thinking, "They missed something, and there is something very wrong with her heart and I'm going to watch my baby daughter die right here on my bed." I now know this is NOT true and that her VSD has actually closed a little bit since birth. But today, for whatever reason my mind keeps going to that night, holding her and knowing she wasn't breathing, rushing her into our room and screaming to Justin to call 911. I am so thankful he was home and able to keep his wits about him enough to call 911, run to the neighbors and arrange care for Brice. I remember thinking to myself, I have to give her CPR, can I do this? I remember giving her the breaths and seeing her chest rise, thank God. Okay, what was her heart rate? About 80 or 90, I calculated. Not high enough. I gave her a round of compressions and then her tiny voice emerging. Talking and screaming at her that she HAD to be okay. She was so pale, so pale. What was wrong with her? Justin kept telling me to stop screaming so loudly, that I would scare Brice. There is this decibel that mothers reach when they lose their baby in the NICU. I have heard this many times and it is heart wrenching. And, yes, this is where my voice was that night. I then rechecked her pulse with my stethoscope that I remembered was in my top drawer of my dresser, 130bpm, good.

Before I knew it, I had thrown clothes on and the ambulance and fire truck were outside of our house. I rushed Anna downstairs to where they were coming in the house. They checked her blood sugar, it was way too high, meaning she was stressed. But, she was breathing that is all I cared about. She wasn't rosy pink, but she wasn't blue either. They loaded us into the ambulance as I shook and was afraid I might throw up. The ride to the hospital felt almost as long as it did when Justin drove 100mph to Northside so I could deliver her. I knew though once we got to the hospital that we would be okay, safe, and that they would know exactly how to take care of her. And they did. And it's over. And I'm thankful.

Part of me wants to forget every detail of that night. The other part always wants to remember so that I don't take one moment with my children for granted. I know that time will heal the bad memories and only let me remember that Justin and I saved our baby girl that night. I will have to tell her the story one day and I can only hope that she will be proud of us.

Parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6

Oatmeal Creme Pies!

Justin has introduced Brice to Oatmeal Creme Pies. This is NOT a good thing for me considering I'm trying to lose weight not pack it back on 170 calories at a time! But, I will say those things are sooo good and help improve my mood when my patience level is ice thin. About every three days I get behind on my sleep because I don't have time for a nap. When I don't get sleep, Justin will tell you, I just don't handle things well! So, for today, instead of a nap, I will eat...an Oatmeal Creme Pie. Hopefully, Justin will be able to get Brice out of the house to the park for a little bit. And, hopefully, Anna will be sleeping simutaneously.

Hanging around the house

Checking Lil' Sis out!

Adjusting

We have been home a week now and we are adjusting to having two kids at home. I am always feeling guilty for not being with one or the other. I guess this is just part of it, huh? Anna had a good check-up at the doctor on Tuesday as far as her health goes. We are seriously considering switching pediatricians after what happened just to put all of this behind us. Justin and I both felt that there really wasn't sympathy for what happened. I mean, my gosh, I had to perform CPR on my two week old and they didn't even say "Sorry this happened to you!". Thank God I am a nurse and knew what to do and that I was with her at the time of the occurence. I will try and write the whole story out soon when I have some extra time, yeah, right??!! Anyway, thank you all for your continued prayers for our family and Anna's health. Justin and I are still trying to heal emotionally as well as with the sleep deprivation. One day we are going to go on vacation again, ALONE!

Before I had Anna we told Brice we would take him to Disney World this spring/summer so I guess I should plan that trip before Justin and I take a trip. I think Brice deserves it after watching his mother labor and almost deliver in the car and then enduring ten days of shuffling with the grandparents. Okay, Brice is trying to get my attention so I am going to go now. Plus, little feisty Anna will be up any minute for lunch. I am going to work on posting pictures soon as well.

We are now home and so glad to be here. Now my challenges are normal ones for a new mom of two. When to do house stuff, play with Brice and take care of Anna. Not to mention take care of Justin and myself! I know this will all come with time so I just need to be patient and enjoy my family.

A funny thing Brice said this morning. "I would prefer nothing to drink with my pancakes this morning!". What three year old says "prefer"????

Okay, I'm going to give this blogging thing a try. I've been considering starting one but haven't been sure I could keep up with it. I'm still not sure I'll be so good at it with the pictures and everything. But, I do have family and friends who I know would like to keep up with our daily lives. I also think this will be a great way for me to journal my life with two kids. I want to remember these days because I know they will go so quickly and my babies will be grown and I won't know what happened! Right now I'm sitting in Anna's hospital room after a scary week with RSV and pneumonia. She has recovered well and we are so thankful for the care she has received. Brice has done well with the whole thing too, amazingly. He is such an amazing kid and my love for both of them can't be measured! So, here goes. Don't know how frequently it will be updated but like I said, there may just be one-liners from Brice each day but I do want to remember them.