To Work, or Not To Work?

That is the question.

On my mind.

All the time.

I think about it, pray about it, non-stop.

Everyone has an opinion but it doesn't matter what other think or say because I am the one who has to make this decision. I must say, it is a good decision to have to make. I am not being forced to go back. My children are not depending on me to eat based on me working or staying home. If only I didn't have to work holidays or 12 hour shifts, then maybe, just maybe it would be easier. I love what I do and know that I can always go back to it. My children will only be little once, right? But what about me? Those four years of sitting in the Pi Phi dining room, studying my tush off, getting up early for clinicals, wiping old peoples'....never mind. Am I choosing those families over my own? Do I really want to go take care of sick babies whose parents are unappreciative, the technology doesn't always work (very frustrating), and I am micromanaged? We are not even allowed on the internet at work!!!! No, not even to check our email. Except there was so much love from the nurses I work with when Anna was sick. So much support and that felt so good to have my own team of warriors taking care of Justin, Brice and me.

My mind goes back and forth constantly. One minute I am sure that I am going to go back, and then the next, no, I should stay home and be with my family and do all the fun events that come up. And the not so fun events, like when they're sick. Is being a nurse WHAT I DO or WHO I AM?

I need a crystal ball so that I can look into the future. Does anyone have one I could borrow? If you do, let me know. Or just send me YOUR thoughts on the matter.